spiritual black girl

Free Spirited

spiritual black girl

Speak no evil

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free spirit black girl

free spirit black girl

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Free Spirit. We have all heard this phrase before. Upon reading it I’m certain you can envision someone you know who embodies the idea you have etched in your mind of what a “free spirit” is– Someone who marches to a beat of their own drum, they go with how they feel and do not necessarily follow societal norms. You are probably imagining a carefree, open hearted, hippie type.

Most of my life I have been told “you’re such a ‘free spirit’ Vic”. I always assumed that was a testament to my nonchalant and creative nature. Sure, I am the type to march to a beat of my own drum, but this march has been far from free, or easy. The path to my free-spiritedness has been long, and grueling. I have been broken into thousands of pieces and then re-built. I had to fight internal battles over external ideas and philosophies. When the most important people in my life were going left I had to force myself to stay right. Disapproval, instability, and financial disdain seemed to be what I signed up for. I should have stayed in college. I should have been a [doctor, lawyer, nurse, teacher, basketball wife…].. instead, I chose to follow my heart.

Every day, every conversation, is a battle to stay “free”. Living in a generation full of beautifully sculpted eyebrows, perfectly contoured faces, pouty MAC lips, and plastic surgeon generated bodies, &  go to war daily with your self perceived inadequacies  is always a struggle with my spirit to stay free. Surrounded by Christians, and being…well, I haven’t quite figured that out yet. But.. Surrounded by Christians with beliefs that are not parallel to theirs, & have to fight for the courage to defend my views is always a struggle with my spirit to stay free. Being $50,000 in debt with bad credit, no real job, and no real clue how you’re still even surviving is always a struggle with my spirit to stay free. Seeing all of my peers get married, get promotions, have children, purchase homes & thinking “damn, I could be living like that” is always a struggle with my spirit to stay free. Explaining to people that you don’t watch TV (nope not even Love & Hip Hop), you don’t eat meat, you would rather have books than flowers, that you don’t want any diamonds (not even in an engagement ring), that you would rather read poetry than watch worldstar, that you cannot fathom giving birth in a hospital, that you think most man made medicine is poison and there are better ways to cure ourselves… well all that is ALSO a struggle with my spirit to stay free. “Free Spirit” is not an indefinite location, this is a journey of self discovery, infinite love, and cultivating the most beautiful lust for life.

I have been told that I’m fearless.This is not an absence of fear. The fear is sometimes crippling.  There is a belief in my vision so strong that nothing aside from death itself could alter my determination. My intuition trumps “logic”. I am a part of the brave few who seek to challenge what is normal and let their heart make the decisions for them, because I know that love is the best guide. I know that there is beauty in wisdom and light in every darkness. I understand that the emancipation of my spirit did not at all come for free; that I paid it’s price in friendships, tears, relationships, sleepless nights,  broken dreams, and misunderstandings. While I may be a “free spirit” I am not exempt from the pressures of society. Rather than be molded into what is “normal”, I have just chosen to take those pressures and create a diamond so rare it cannot be replicated.

Freedom is subjective. Be free with your love, your knowledge, your life…. and watch the world change around you.

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