how to build confidence black girl magic fashion blogger

Finding Confidence

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Dress c/o Nineteen09
Hat- Lack of Color

Hello Lovers!

Happy August friends. May the last month of the summer be kind to you.

Lately I’ve been pondering the idea of self confidence. I’ve always had an amazing sense of style (it’s okay to toot your own horn occasionally, right?). Fashion has been a creative outlet of mine for as long as I can remember, and while my style choices have always made me stand out… it wasn’t necessarily confidence that guided these decisions. It was creativity.

Being 30 has brought on a new found confidence. I have fallen in love with my body and have been choosing clothes to show it off more and more. As a rape survivor honing confidence has been a battle. I can recall purposely avoiding anything that equated with sex appeal. But after some self-care and healing I am finally able to embrace my sexiness and walk in confidence. This is all new for me, but below I’ve outlined a few key concepts in finding and keeping your confidence.

  1. Be you. I think this is the MOST important concept in finding your confidence. Trying to look like, be like, or live someone else’s life is draining. How can you practice self care trying to be someone other than yourself? Learn to be comfortable in being unapologetically  yourself.
  2. Embrace your flaws. I hate my nose. I hate my fingers. I hate my toes. I hate my small boobs. I hate how my tummy sticks out sometimes. I hate my sideburns. I hate my eyebrows. The list goes on and on and on. One day.. I decided to stop spending so much time on the things I hate, and instead I spent time looking at them, falling in love with them. I had to accept the fact that hey aren’t going anywhere, and as awful as I deem them to be.. they are all small pieces that make up the entire wonder that is Victoria.
  3. Stop comparing yourself. I do it too. I spend hours on Instagram envying other women’s hair, clothes, lives, food pictures, bodies… you name it. I had to stop. It’s okay to have admiration. But envy….. envy is the evil cousin to admiration. Envy will make you hate your life when you should be appreciating it.
  4. Spend time with yourself. Date yourself. Get to know yourself. The same time and energy you would spend getting to know a new man (or woman) and fall in love with them.. spend it falling in love with yourself. But you can’t fall in love with you until you’ve spent time actually finding out who you are.
  5. Practice Affirmations. On my mirror in my bathroom written in lipstick are the words “You are beautiful”. I see this every single morning. It is a constant reminder that I ma beautiful- both in my looks and in my spirit. Even days when I’m not feeling it, I am forced to read “you are beautiful”. Be deliberate in the messages you feed yourself because you actually start to believe them.
  6. Compliment someone. As women, its hard to maintain a constant flow of good self-vibes. I have made it a challenge to myself to compliment at least one person everyday that I don’t know. Be it on the street or on social media, I believe that positivity begets positivity.

The confidence struggle is real. There are moments, days, and weeks when even I don’t feel it. On those days I get up, get dressed, and head out into the world, because I may run into someone or something that gives me that extra boost. Learn to fight the energies, people, spaces, and places that deplete your confidence. That’s the best advice I can give.

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