31 Dec Farewell
Farewell two thousand and sixteen. Some chapters are whirlwinds. Others seem drudgingly endless. You were a balance of both.
I fell in hope with a man I didn’t really love, but my biological clock wished was the one. We both knew he wasn’t. In April, while evicting me from his life and his home he told me I would be nothing without a man. I was homeless until I realized that my home lies with the tribe of women I surrounded myself with. It’s December, and I am one hundred times greater than I’ve ever been…all without. a man.
Turning 30 was the onset of weight gain, fears of childbirth, insecurities about my instability, and a deep rooted appreciation for self.
I traded the desire of popularity for transparency and authenticity…..and it fucked around and made me more “popular” than ever.
I told the world I was raped and watched strangers praise me for my strength while simultaneously watched as my family questioned its validity. I was ripped to pieces by people I’ve known my entire life, and placed back together by strangers I met on the internet. Funny how something that’s “not real life” can feel more real than life.
I misplaced trust in the belly of wolves. I can’t even write out the war I fought to get it back.
I created a space for women to network, connect, and build. We had a seat at several tables, and even now I smile knowing part of my calling has been fulfilled.
I let my bank account create doubt in my dopeness. My clients proved that false. I allowed weight gain to create insecurities about my style. Essence magazine proved that false. I almost gave fear the reigns to my creativity. “I’m not a great writer.” “No one will relate”. And you all have proven that false time and time again. I almost gave men the power to define my worth. I proved that false.
I gave up on love and comfortably settled into solitude. I developed an unabashed love for myself.
I met a man who, unexpectedly, creates smiles in barren places. His kiss tastes like rain on famished land.
I shed the shell of the girl i once was and became the woman that I was created to be.
I showed the world my scars and forced it to see the beauty in each one.
I opened my heart and my life in ways I never imagined I could….and in return I saw the light I poured out come back in to me.
As I prepare to send you away I want to send my sincerest gratitude with you. You created authenticity where there was fear. You made a woman out of me. 2016.